those who protest – particularly those who
protest without an object, such as the majority of sadoos – have frequent need
to justify themselves. to whom? to themselves? to some inhuman energy? there is
no whom, not even an autowhom. they just
feel the need to justify. not that such
justification has any purpose, audience, or payback. you could view it as a hobby of sorts, with
little need for affirmation other than the doing of the hobby itself.
not infrequently, i, fukky, receive
submissions from sadoos around the world containing such justifications and
occasionally – based on whim and the market price of aubergines – i include
some. today i’m pleased to include a
piece submitted by sadoo ledlpoo some years ago and misplaced, who communicates
with us from the region of vidange in the republic of wolfless, justifying.
an unjustified work of justification
by sadoo
ledlpoo
recently, as happens from time to time with
most sadoos, i questioned my existence and the general and specific stupidity
of it. what an inane occupation i have,
i say to myself. no one’s heard of it,
no one knows what it is, i don’t know what it is, the very definition of it is
to not know what it is. yet here i
am. i’ve tried to be many other things
and all of them have failed. i was very
good at many of them and could possibly have been renowned in 2 or 3 but to succeed there has to be an energy, a collaboration, between the
environment and the singularity that enables success. i never felt that collaborative energy until
i became a sadoo.
that’s because there’s no environment to deny or affirm you, an evil voice says.
that’s not true, i
reply. the environment is the world.
the world!, the evil voice snorts. who goes and works for the world? you’re
just an autistic solipsistic narcissistic sociopath.
maybe. but a lot of people i met in business and the academy were
those too.
at least they made money and had careers.
not having to worry about money is, i admit,
desirable. but a career i never understood.
what i like about being a sadoo is that there’s no goal, no line, no
advancement or demotion, no annual review, no conventions and politics to
follow and negotiate, none of the silly social scrimmage and promotion
necessary in everything from a convent to an ngo to a brokerage house.
in particular, i realized when i was called
to be a sadoo that i was to devote my life to experimenting with developing a
practice of madness – of reasoned unreason. why this? i began realizing in my
second decade of experimentation that this was to potentially contribute to an
art that bridged the vast and harmful gap in our society between reason and
unreason, sanity and insanity. for in
all the diversity claims and progresses in our culture – valid and necessary as
they presumably are – we may be regressing in psychic diversity, with
increasing bifurcation between the powerful educated classes determining what
is normal and an underclass of taxonomized categorized clinicized
individuals. whereas i have seen no
evidence that the former is any less clinicizable than the latter – only that
the former build and maintain power over the statements that circumscribe most
lives. my practice is an embodied
protest against this privilege.
pious fucker, aren’t you, the evil
voice says.
maybe.
it’s a crapshoot. i may be
misguided. i may fail, though failure
and success, good and evil, yes and no – all these value binaries – aren’t
normally part of a sadoo’s vision. i’m
not out to change society or to target specific individuals. i began developing this practice long before
i had opted out from conventional society.
it was as i developed the practice that i found i was not only opting
out, i was being opted out. my practice
was incompatible with those worlds as i would have had to side with a
side. there are academics and others of course who
side with people such as myself but, worthwhile though this may sometimes be, i
find the siding problematic. they want
to have their cake – privilege and defining – and eat it too – appearing to be
empathic toward those who aren’t in the privilege and defining game. there needs to be an embodied cost to one’s
position and the stereotypical academic position of having a lifestyle on the
right and a discourse on the left has always struck me as contributing to the
bifurcation, as a gross hypocrisy which tenure and the lickspittling masses
monolithically maintain.
so you're just opting out.
i don’t think so necessarily. protest – even through the silence of a
desert father or mother against growing institutional christianity – may have
its merits. and who’s to determine this? it may, it may not. the voices of the margins and deserts and voids have value to me and mainstream society's relentless lust to normalize, monetize, and clinicize that which doesn't fit ... as mixter jarry says - merdre.
you’re crazy.
naturally. thank you.
my practice has demanded anonymity or at
least heteronymity or ‘patanymity and embodiment and has resulted in relative
poverty, obscurity, loneliness, and a range of engaging and occasionally
debilitating struggles. that seems to be expected. i try to record at least some of the results
of my now 25-year-long experimenting in forms appropriate to the source
sensations, in dialogue with myriad traditions across time, space and
disciplines but without much regard for protocol or status. if many of them are fairly raw, fragmentary,
undeveloped, i feel that the practice thus far has withheld the possibility of
pulling my research into anything resembling a finished book, a system, a
product. the internet is the perfect
venue for these publications and i thank fukky for facilitating this blog. i
hardly aim for any unity or enlightenment – neither of which i believe exists …
i don’t aim: rather, i place my body in a
certain situation of not-knowing and record the sensations that occur. this situation i sometimes call polypolarity
and it is my practice as a sadoo.
